STICK TO THE PLAN!

When dealing with people with Autism it is always advised that visual timetables should be used, and great care taken to prepare the individual for what’s coming next. Autistic people need to know what to expect. We don’t like surprises. I don’t even like my presents to be surprises and am the one in charge of the buying of my own Christmas and birthday presents from the entire family. So yes, planning ahead is extremely important when it comes to dealing with those on the spectrum………but it can also be our undoing.

I plan everything in advance. I make lists, I do research, I allocate time slots and I drive everyone else involved around the bend with it. I’m at my worst when it comes to day trips which we do a lot of in the summer holidays. We like to take the kids to a lot of theme parks and safari’s.  If we’re going to a place we’ve never been before I will spend hours researching it to the extent that by the time we get there I will know my way around. I will have explored every single page of the website several times and I will know exactly what to expect when we get there. I will know where the lockers are, how much they cost and what times various performances of shows are. I enjoy this process of research into a new place so much that I think it’s as fun for me as actually going there is. 

Great! I bet your thinking I sound like a really useful person to have on a trip – but I’m really the last person you want, because the planning doesn’t stop there. I will plan the route we are to take around the park, which rides and attractions we will visit and in which order, where we are going to have lunch and at what time we are going to. This is where I spoil the day for myself, because the greatest problem of planning things when it comes to Autism is that once the plan has been made IT MUST BE STUCK TO EXACTLY.

If anyone suggests doing something that is not included in the plan I will start to panic and it will build until I hit meltdown. In fact throughout the day I will be extremely anxious, focusing more on carrying out the plan so that we can have the ‘perfect day’ than I am on actually enjoying myself. I will hurtle us through the plan because I can’t relax until we have reached the end and I know that we have done everything we are supposed to. Only then can I indulge in the spontaneous. Before this happens there is always the threat that we won’t get everything done, and that the day will be ruined. I stress myself and my family out so much with these plans that I can spoil everyone’s fun.

So far this year we have been on five days out. We have done Legoland, Wookey Hole, Chessington World of Adventures, Folly Farm and Longleat and this year I have made a conscious effort to limit the planning. I’ve still done the research, but I’ve tried to let my family lead the way around the attractions, and I think I’ve had more fun this year than I ever have before. I won’t lie, there has still been a certain amount of anxiety. I couldn’t really relax at Chessington until we had done Sea Life and Zufari, and I couldn’t relax at Folly Farm until we had seen the animals and the penguins, because my aunt had expressed a specific desire to see them, but I have made huge progress.

So, planning for people with Autism is a catch 22 situation. We can’t live without plans, they are our safety net and our road map, but we are also bound by them, restricted by them and ultimately controlled by them. If there is a plan in place, there is something that can be broken, and when the plan breaks…..so do we.